…i think i can, i think i can, i think i can…

The weekend is here, or at least it almost is, lol, and I’m still smelling like a rose, given the sh*t I’ve been through.
It’s becoming an art, my rising above riling situations, and keeping a cool head about it.
Must say I’m enjoying the backlash from

It gets easier by the day…

Throwing in the towel is so much easier than standing in that spot and fighting for whatever it is you live for….it could be anything ranging from a relationship with family and or partner, to a job, to a grade, to a belief you hold.
I know you can relate…or at least you’ve been to a place where, when faced with the decision to flee or fight, you hesitated for a bit.

All afternoon today for me has been spent listening to Ne-Yo’s ‘Part of the List’ (they’re posted just below) and got me thinking that much as I may tell myself that I have moved on from the relationship I was in a couple of months ago, doesn’t stop me from hyperventilating, ever so subtly each time I see him around, whether it’s at a rugby game, or at a relative’s funeral service… I look away in the inital shock at seeing him around…and then proceed to stay really still hoping he’ll relocate, and leave my space, previously I’d be the one that would want to leave, and each time, my girls talked me out of leaving a spot because he was around. Uncomfortable is the word that describes it.

I wont hide away from the fact that I break into a meddley of tears when I think back on the times before shit hit the fan, and granted I have met some nice guys, I can’t shake the small detail that not a single word has been exchanged ever since the break-up… And after reading those last few Rules for handling anger series…I’m left wondering whether, after 8 months of silence, should I be the one to go to him with this talk/discussion on resolving the anger I feel, even if I tell myself I’m not angry – at times I don’t feel the anger?

While I figure out what to do, and you figure out what to say to all that,
and I’d like to pick your brain a bit with this particular turn of events, breathe, and write your heart out,
till next time,
easy does it

Rules for handling anger (5)
‘…Let each one of you speak truth…’ Ephesians 4:25
Rule 5: Keep it in the laundry room. ‘Don’t treat each other with malice’ [ill will, spite] (Ephesians 4: 31 NIV). When you’re angry, spreading gossip is hard to resist. But malicious talk is like wildfire; it consumes those who spread it and those who listen to it. Don’t display your dirty wash; keep it in the laundry room.
Dirty laundry gets aired in two ways:
1) Open embarrassment. You say it where you know others are going to hear it.
2) Subtlety. You make jokes about their figure, family members and friends, etc., in order to belittle them. This results in embarrassment for the person you’re angry at, widens the gap between you and makes reconciliation impossible. Solomon writes: ‘…He that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter’ (Proverbs 11:13), and ‘…Love covereth all sins’ (Proverbs 10:12). Paul writes: ‘…In malice be babes, but in understanding be mature’ (1Corinthians 14:20 NKJV). Rule 6: Be part of the clean-up crew. We say, ‘They brought it on themselves. Let them get over it.’ They may have deserved it, but we can’t walk away and leave open wounds to become infected. We ‘…forgive, even as Christ…has forgiven’ us (Ephesians 4: 32). How did Christ forgive us? After we’d acknowledged, confessed and repented of our sins? No. ‘…When we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son…’ (Romans 5:10). God took the initiative, so forgive, before the other person asks for forgiveness. And should they remain your enemy for life, forgive them anyhow. That’s mopping up after the war. Only then are you yourself forgiven, the wounds you inflicted healed, and your record before God expunged!
http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

Part of the List Lyrics

Style of your hair,
shape of your eyes and your nose,
the way you stare
As if you see, right through to my soul,

It’s your left hand and the way
that it’s not quite as big as your right,
the way you stand in the mirror
before we go out at night,

Our quiet time,
your beautiful mind,

They’re a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

The way you sweet smell
lingers when you leave a room,
(you leave a room)
Stories you tell as we lay
in bed all afternoon.
(all afternoon)

I dreamed you now every night
in my mind is where we meet.
(my mind is where we meet)
and when I’m awake
staring at pictures of you asleep.

Touching your face,
invading you space.

They’re a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

Oooh, and you’ll live in my memories forever more I swear.
And you’ll live in my memories forever more I swear.

They’re a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile, or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.
beautiful song

…mental notes…

It has been a rather perplexing last couple of days, weeks even. There’d be days when I’d finish with work and just go home and catch zzz’s not because I was sleep-deprived, or hang over from a hectic evening from the night before…I have been on some kinda see-saw (is that how we spell it) between disappointed-in-who-I-am and what’s-my-purpose-on-this-earth

It didn’t help having a show producer that sprung talk show guests and topics on me the day I’m supposed to host them, and he’d go on to stress by being all over my space during the interview…I’m being patient about the whole thing. I’m hoping someone can realise how withdrawn I’ve become just so I can get my point across.

A part of me wants to know why I’m taking the time to cramp my style just to get a point across when I could merely ignore the sod and be the best one for my said job…and I ask myself the same thing some days, problem is the other days I had taken to feeling less than zero about everything that had to do with me, on all fronts.

It’s recently that I chose to stay awake and make an effort of utilising my day, thus the possibility to drop this wee blog.
I noticed that when it’s not that low thing I’m going through, then it could be anything else from this craving for food-stuffs, and my tush isn’t liking the results, so I lay off the food, then it will be this naughty thought about making out with the guy at work, problem with encouraging that thought is, should we go through with it, we’ll inevitably wind up behaving weird around each other after the fact, so no can do.

On the home front, I’m happy that my mother and I are talking, we weren’t for some time, and it wasn’t easy for dad to be mediator because then she’d question whether he was siding with ‘his daughter’…and we all know that’s a subtle battle call, that is best left unheeded.

As I write this, I have a burning sensation between my diaphragm and bottom of my rib cage, don’t know what that’s about. Will take a glass of water to drink, maybe that will give me some relief.
I’ll leave you with something to read about below,
happy to be back, if I may call it that,
till next time,
easy does it

Rules for handling anger (4)
‘…Let each one of you speak truth…’ Ephesians 4:25
Rule 4: Keep it solution-focused. Someone has said that fellowship is like two fellows in a ship: one can’t sink the other without sinking himself. By seeking to gain the upper hand you both lose. By seeking to save and strengthen the relationship you both win. So when you speak, be sure it’s ‘…helpful for building others up according to their needs…’ (Ephesians 4:29 NIV). Try to understand what the other person needs. Don’t bring up previously confessed offenses; don’t drag in other people; don’t use wisecracks about people’s weight, height, colour, IQ, physical, mental and emotional limitations; don’t bring up unrelated things that cloud the issue and keep you from finding a solution. And don’t raise the volume in order to intimidate and manipulate. God made you with a capacity for anger because when handled the right way it’s the fuel that brings needed change and the medicine that heals. So:
a) Seek a solution, not a ‘victory.’ Name-calling and ‘diagnosing’ others only makes things worse. Your focus should not be on what they did, but on what you can do together to resolve it

b) admit your own flaws and ask for forgiveness. Since it takes two to tango, acknowledging your own imperfections makes it easier for someone else to acknowledge theirs c) every time you take a ’swing’ at someone, offer them a positive ’stroke.’ ‘…If there be any virtue…think on these things’ (Philippians 4:8). For each of the difficulties you address, give a compliment. ‘I’m sure this wasn’t easy for you to hear. Thanks for listening to me so graciously.’ Being solution-focused gives people something positive to live up to, not down to!
http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

Rules for handling anger (3)
‘…Let each one of you speak truth….’ Ephesians 4:25
Rule 3: Keep it current. Storing anger in your hard drive only hurts you. When you download old resentments you start to rehearse them and grow bitter. ‘The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks’ (Luke 6:45 NIV). When you’re angry deal with it quickly. Don’t passively allow time to decide your options, or sit around hoping the other person will see the light and apologise. ‘If your brother sins against you, go [to] him…’ (Matthew 18:15 NIV). Try to resolve it and restore the relationship. When you repress it you add one more skeleton to your closet. Sooner or later, doctors say, it’ll be at your stomach lining, attack your immune system, predispose you to heart problems, cancers and other physical, social and emotional disorders. Meantime, it’ll preoccupy you, dissipate your energy, cripple your creativity, hinder your fellowship with God, your friends and fellow believers; not to mention that it denies the offender the opportunity to clear their conscience, repent and get right with God and you. Stop dragging up the past, trying to blackmail the guilty by hauling skeletons out of closets at ‘auspicious’ moments, plotting revenge, and passing down resentments for the next generation to carry. Ask God for the humility and courage to deal with today’s problems – today. When your head hits the pillow tonight, know that your issues are current, up to date with God and everyone else, and sleep well!
http://www.ucb.co.uk/index.cfm?itemid=88

Rules for handling anger (2)
‘…Let each one of you speak truth….’ Ephesians 4:25
Rule 2: Keep it non-lethal. Paul writes: ‘In your anger do not sin…’ (Ephesians 4:26 NIV). What do Paul’s words mean? Don’t let your anger escalate to the point of doing damage. Don’t use your words as a weapon or a control mechanism. It’s okay to express your emotions in a healthy way, but keep them in check. Your goal must be to resolve the problem and strengthen the relationship, not ’sound off’ and wound the other person. Is this easy to do? No. You’ll need a good strong dose of grace to do it. Words spoken in jest, sarcasm, self-righteousness or ‘righteous indignation’ wound people, sometimes permanently. ‘…Perverseness [of the tongue] breaks the spirit.’ (Proverbs 15:4 NKJV). ‘…A crushed spirit who can bear?’ (Proverbs 18:14 NIV). ‘The tongue can bring death…’ (Proverbs 18:21 NLT). Angry words, once unleashed, can: ‘…Go down into a man’s inmost parts’ (Proverbs 26:22 NIV). Your words can live in the heart and memory of a person and go all the way to the grave with them. We say, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,’ but it’s not true. A person can die of a crushed spirit, and the one who spoke the words can live to regret the damage they inflicted and never get a chance to undo it. On the other hand, anger properly handled never needs to be repented of. So learn to differentiate between the anger you feel and the words you speak. Anger carefully thought through, can reveal important information about needed changes. Focus on that, and ask God to show you what needs changing in the other person; and you!
http://www.ucb.co.uk/index.cfm?itemid=88&testdate=16 Jun 2009

Rules for handling anger (1)
‘…Let each one of you speak truth…’ Ephesians 4:25
Two forceful personalities in a relationship are like two rivers flowing into one; there’s going to be a strong current. Anger can be instant like a flash of lightning, or prolonged like the rumble of thunder. Sometimes we clash painfully, other times we distance and silently abandon the relationship. But anger handled the right way doesn’t have to destroy. Here are God’s rules for handling your anger. Rule 1: Keep it honest. ‘Stop telling lies. Let us tell…the truth…don’t sin by letting anger control you…’ (Ephesians 4:25-26 NLT). When you’re angry don’t deny it. Anger can be constructive. We’re right to get angry when people are mistreated and wrongs are not made right. Saying, ‘I’ve been feeling angry and because I value our relationship I’d like to talk about it,’ is honest, non-threatening and invites resolution. Observe:
a) ignoring, stifling, suppressing, or pretending you’re not angry is basically dishonest

b) another form of lying when you’re angry is exaggeration. ‘You never listen to what I say.’ ‘You always ignore my wishes.’ ‘Nobody does anything around here except me.’ Such generalisations are untrue and serve only to aggravate and polarise, guaranteeing the real problem gets obscured and goes unsolved

c) another way to lie when you’re angry is blaming. ‘If you’d arrive on time I wouldn’t have to nag you,’ or ‘If you’d quit nagging so much, maybe I’d start being on time.’ Blaming is a way of evading your own responsibility while pointing the finger at others. It angers others, perpetuates your own anger and never produces the result you want. God’s way is, ‘Let each one of you speak truth,’ and it works when you do it in love.
http://www.ucb.co.uk/index.cfm?itemid=88&testdate=15 Jun 2009

Parents to be…(2)

The way that’s best for your child (2)

‘Train up a child in the way he should go…’ Proverbs 22:6

You say, ‘She’s such an obedient child, but her brother breaks every rule!’ Or, ‘Our first child’s so organised; our second’s a disaster area!’ Children are created unique. Dealing with that reality is a parent’s great challenge. Look at God’s directives in Proverbs 22:6. 1) ‘Train up a child.’ Thoughtful, loving, productive, happy children don’t just evolve – they’re trained. Our latchkey generation has proved ‘…A child left to himself disgraces his [parents]‘ (Proverbs 29:15 NIV). Wise parents choose their child’s direction, then maintain it by positive reinforcement and consistent discipline. They mould their child’s attitude and behaviour in line with God’s Word. Solomon’s reference to a child in this Scripture indicates a pre-teen who can still be moulded. If you miss those early training years your job’s tough, but with God’s help, not impossible. 2) ‘In the way he should go.’ Ever hear of ‘cross-grain parenting’? It’s trying to make your child something they’re not meant to be. Forcing square pegs into round holes invites rebellion in spirited kids and creativity-destroying conformity in compliant ones. This Scripture in The Amplified Bible advocates training a child, ‘In the way… [In keeping with his individual gift or bent].’ Study your child’s gifts, then direct them accordingly. Putting square pegs into square holes reduces resistance, invites cooperation and recognises your child’s God-ordained destiny. When it’s their path, not yours, they’ll commit to it. 3) ‘When he is old he will not depart from it.’ When they’re in the place God designed them for, nobody needs to manipulate, control or threaten them. They’re invested, creative, challenged, fulfilled and happy to grow up in the square hole God shaped for them!
http://www.ucb.co.uk/index.cfm?itemid=88&testdate=13%20Jun%202009

Have a fabulous week ahead,
hopefully I’ll put down more than just a few lines of myself, huh
till next time,
easy does it

Parents to be….and those that already are…

The way that’s best for your child (1)

‘Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.’ Proverbs 24:3

You say, ‘I raised all my children the same way, how come this one is a problem?’
1) Congratulations on succeeding with your other kids! You’re ahead of the curve. A good family rule is: Pray about your shortcomings; focus on your successes. Don’t obsess over one particular child, short-changing the others of your time and attention. Though it doesn’t feel natural, reduce your intense concentration on your problem child. Stop ‘fixing’ them, enjoy all your children, and watch things improve.
2) Children develop at different rates and in different ways. Many problem children are just late arrivers; give them the time they need.
3) Most families have a ‘black sheep.’ They make us uncomfortable by not doing life like the rest of us. Accept what you don’t like about them until God either changes them or teaches the family mature, unconditional, non-controlling love through them.
4) You do your best as an imperfect but loving parent, then your children, not you, make their own choices. The prophet Samuel’s sons ‘did not walk in his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice’ (1 Samuel 8:3 NIV). Embarrassing and disappointing, yes! But no charge of spiritual or parental failure is laid on Samuel’s doorstep. As godly a man as ever lived, he ‘walked the talk.’ But when push came to shove, his sons had their options and chose not to do likewise. However dysfunctional your child may be, under God their greatest asset is a parent who responds by faith, not by fixing, by praying, not prying, and who gets out of God’s way and lets Him work.
http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

The Master’s Apprebtice and all you prospective parents, from me to you with love.
I’m about to catch that game between D-Mark against Warriors, I’m excited,
catch you tomorrow, with a follow-up series for the prospective parents, no?!
till next time,
easy does it

‘Above and beyond’

‘If someone forces you to go one mile, go…two…’ Matthew 5:41

In Roman times soldiers could make Jewish citizens carry their gear for a mile. But Jesus says: ‘”If someone forces you to go one mile, go…two.”‘ Max Lucado writes: ‘We’ve a second-mile servant in our church. By profession he’s an architect; by passion, a servant. Prior to each worship service he does his rounds through the men’s restrooms…wipes sinks, cleans mirrors, checks toilets and picks up paper. He tells no one and requests nothing in return…Let me tell you how to spot [second-milers]. They don’t wear badges or uniforms; they wear smiles. They’ve discovered …joy in the extra effort…satisfaction in helping others…that the real reward rests at the base of the second mile-post… Why? Liberation! They’ve passed from slave to volunteer. When Mary anointed Jesus’ feet, one-milers like Judas criticised the deed as wasteful. Not Jesus. He received the gesture as a demonstration of love, a friend surrendering her most treasured gift. There’s an elderly man in your community who just lost his wife. An hour of your time would mean the world to him. Some kids in your city have no dad to take them to the cinema or football games. Maybe you can. They can’t pay you back but they’ll smile like a cheshire cat at your kindness. How about this one? Down the landing is a person who shares your last name. Shock them with kindness…your homework done with no complaints…coffee served when they awake…a love letter written for no special reason. Alabaster poured out ‘just because.’ Jesus chose the servants’ quarters. Can’t we?’ John Gardner said, ‘When people are serving, life is no longer meaningless.’ You’re not called to ‘get by,’ you’re called to go ‘above and beyond.’
http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

To all you two-mile-rs’ nice knowing you,
look out for an invitation to my home, for an evening out, to make up for passing up BHH
till next time,
easy does it