It gets easier by the day…

Throwing in the towel is so much easier than standing in that spot and fighting for whatever it is you live for….it could be anything ranging from a relationship with family and or partner, to a job, to a grade, to a belief you hold.
I know you can relate…or at least you’ve been to a place where, when faced with the decision to flee or fight, you hesitated for a bit.

All afternoon today for me has been spent listening to Ne-Yo’s ‘Part of the List’ (they’re posted just below)Β and got me thinking that much as I may tell myself that I have moved on from the relationship I was in a couple of months ago, doesn’t stop me from hyperventilating, ever so subtly each time I see him around, whether it’s at a rugby game, or at a relative’s funeral service… I look away in the inital shock at seeing him around…and then proceed to stay really still hoping he’ll relocate, and leave my space, previously I’d be the one that would want to leave, and each time, my girls talked me out of leaving a spot because he was around. Uncomfortable is the word that describes it.

I wont hide away from the fact that I break into a meddley of tears when I think back on the times before shit hit the fan, and granted I have met some nice guys, I can’t shake the small detail that not a single word has been exchanged ever since the break-up… And after reading those last few Rules for handling anger series…I’m left wondering whether, after 8 months of silence, should I be the one to go to him with this talk/discussion on resolving the anger I feel, even if I tell myself I’m not angry – at times I don’t feel the anger?

While I figure out what to do, and you figure out what to say to all that,
and I’d like to pick your brain a bit with this particular turn of events, breathe, and write your heart out,
till next time,
easy does it πŸ™‚

Rules for handling anger (5)
‘…Let each one of you speak truth…’ Ephesians 4:25
Rule 5: Keep it in the laundry room. ‘Don’t treat each other with malice’ [ill will, spite] (Ephesians 4: 31 NIV). When you’re angry, spreading gossip is hard to resist. But malicious talk is like wildfire; it consumes those who spread it and those who listen to it. Don’t display your dirty wash; keep it in the laundry room.
Dirty laundry gets aired in two ways:
1) Open embarrassment. You say it where you know others are going to hear it.
2) Subtlety. You make jokes about their figure, family members and friends, etc., in order to belittle them. This results in embarrassment for the person you’re angry at, widens the gap between you and makes reconciliation impossible. Solomon writes: ‘…He that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter’ (Proverbs 11:13), and ‘…Love covereth all sins’ (Proverbs 10:12). Paul writes: ‘…In malice be babes, but in understanding be mature’ (1Corinthians 14:20 NKJV). Rule 6: Be part of the clean-up crew. We say, ‘They brought it on themselves. Let them get over it.’ They may have deserved it, but we can’t walk away and leave open wounds to become infected. We ‘…forgive, even as Christ…has forgiven’ us (Ephesians 4: 32). How did Christ forgive us? After we’d acknowledged, confessed and repented of our sins? No. ‘…When we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son…’ (Romans 5:10). God took the initiative, so forgive, before the other person asks for forgiveness. And should they remain your enemy for life, forgive them anyhow. That’s mopping up after the war. Only then are you yourself forgiven, the wounds you inflicted healed, and your record before God expunged!
http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

Part of the List Lyrics

Style of your hair,
shape of your eyes and your nose,
the way you stare
As if you see, right through to my soul,

It’s your left hand and the way
that it’s not quite as big as your right,
the way you stand in the mirror
before we go out at night,

Our quiet time,
your beautiful mind,

They’re a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

The way you sweet smell
lingers when you leave a room,
(you leave a room)
Stories you tell as we lay
in bed all afternoon.
(all afternoon)

I dreamed you now every night
in my mind is where we meet.
(my mind is where we meet)
and when I’m awake
staring at pictures of you asleep.

Touching your face,
invading you space.

They’re a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

Oooh, and you’ll live in my memories forever more I swear.
And you’ll live in my memories forever more I swear.

They’re a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile, or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.
beautiful song πŸ™‚

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4 thoughts on “It gets easier by the day…

  1. 8 months of silence? that must have been some nasty break up…

    you really need to get him out of your system. prayer will help, after a while you will feel nothing when you see him…

  2. I need to get to that place where I feel nothing when I see him, you’re totally on the pin there Sybella, thank you, have a fab week and God bless you πŸ™‚

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