I Am Sorry For The Way I Have Treated You.

This apology comes so many moons late, depending on where you are reading this from. I hope you’ll hear me out.
We were friends. The future looked promising. You joined the team, then roles were reversed, and I couldn’t handle your newfound personality. Which is why I quit the job. I really was quitting you. I couldn’t bear to do another day with your ever-growing ‘head’, or at least that is what I told myself. Fast forward to today, I can’t shake the feeling that I could have handled that situation differently. Instead of withholding my love from you, I should have loved you through the growing anatomy. At the time, it was easy to walk away, and walk away I did. I wasn’t the friend you needed me to be, and for that, I apologise for the way I have treated you.
I was a student in your class, with quite the commentary to back your lessons. You said my future was promising. Entrusting me with assignments and tasks that you’d hoped I’d get done, promptly, and excellently. But did I? Instead, I pulled two shifts, at the radio station and in the producer’s booth, all in a bid to keep some fuel in the tank, and some spending money in my purse, much to the detriment of my grades, because if I didn’t submit my work to you late, I would serve up a cocktail of excuses and reasons as to why the work did not get done right. I was young, didn’t know better. The rhetoric is different today. I have been reading a posse of books that are teaching me to make intentional steps towards growing myself first, before I can hope to grow others around me, and thereby growing the nation and the world. I realise I cannot return to your class to be a better student, I do, however, know that learning doesn’t stop, and in your honour, I’ll honour all future teachers that I may encounter on this journey.
Some of the observations I am making are here. “People are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; there therefore remain bound. ” – James Allen ‘As a Man Thinketh’
This Lady is thinking along those lines lately. Growth Plan Lines. Unless I intentionally make a plan to grow, and grow well, then I resign myself to weed-like propagation, and not real output. And if I’m only getting one shot at this life, then, I want to do it right, albeit thirty something years late, grow, I shall.
Why don’t we automatically and actively commit to personal growth? Assumption, for one, trips us into thinking that the growth will happen naturally, and with little input from ourselves. You’ve heard the adage, ‘Experience is the best teacher.’ Must I experience the pain of a situation to gain the lesson therein, though, queries my salient persona. My Dad says, “When you find yourself like you’re plain sailing, it is then time to slam on the brakes because there’s big trouble afoot. Look around you, and discover where the problem is coming from, because life is not about plain sailing but rather, solving problems.” Thank you Dad for sharing your life lessons with me.

Which is why I am making a change from accidental to intentional growth. Jumping out of the rut, if you will. “What rut?” you ask? Take a moment and skim over the differences between accidental growth and intentional growth:

accidental growth                       intentional growth

Plans to start Tomorrow            Insists on Starting Today

Waits for Growth to come         Takes Complete Responsibility to Grow

Learns Only from Mistakes       Often Learns Before Mistakes

Depends on Good Luck              Relies on Hard Work

Quits Early and Often                Perseveres Long and Hard

Talks Big                                       Follows Through

Falls into Bad Habits                  Fights for Good Habits

Plays It Safe                                  Takes Risks

Thinks Like a Victim                   Thinks Like a Learner

Relies on Talent                            Relies on Character

Stops Learning after Graduation        Never Stops Growing

I hope this helps you as much as I am hoping to grow from it. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
I want to reach my potential and become the person I was created to be, as I imagine, you do too.

In conclusion, I run the risk of digressing from this apology, should I rumble on about what lessons I am encountering. It would be a joy to meet up with you again, some time soon, that way I can show you what steps of growth I have taken and continue to take, as I travel this road called life. I hope we can reunite, because I imagine a world of peace, and transformative change, with you. Where citizens identify a problem, and collectively, huddle together and come up with ways of tackling the challenge for the greater good of the community, sans ‘tusaba gavumenti etuyaambe!’

As the week comes to a close, and I mentally as well as physically prepare to be in class tomorrow, I am reading about Leading Missional Communities, which essentially is about rediscovering the power of living on mission together, and once that power is harnessed diligently, I envision a better world for the grandchildren and the great grandchildren. Did you get round to planting that tree? Any photographs you are willing to share with me, to account for your care of this tree? Rest. here’s no pressure. I do, encourage you though, to make it a priority in the week to come, that you shall carve out time in your week, and plant a tree or four. I hope to share my photographs of any trees I would have been taking care of, and post them on here, in the days to come. Thank you once again for sharing of your time, as you gave this post a read. I hope that you and yours are well. If there is any way that I may pray with you, for you, drop me a line at tindiyvonne@gmail.com and let’s do life together.
I just might be starting at a new job in some time, so I am thinking about how to present myself, office attire and all, not forgetting the grace, and patience that is void at most new areas, especially as is witnessed by the newbie, coming in. I shall have to get off my derriere and go looking at some outfits, and sweat up a storm in the park, just so it’s an all round experience, for both myself, and my soon-to-be colleagues. I hope I remember to share with you how that plays out. There’s a plane trip in the near future, I can’t contain the anticipation of the ride; notwithstanding flight bookings, airport pick ups, and airbnbs , for the duration of the conference. Meeting and making new friends. Praying with other christians. Wow! Not one to count my chicks before they are hatched. Think of that as a blog story board.
Till next time,
Easy does it.
🙂

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